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“The crime occurred at around four o’clock this morning,” the CNN reporter said. I reached to adjust the volume of the satellite radio’s newscast.

“As you can see from the video,” she continued, “the homeless man was sleeping when the suspects lit and tossed the fireworks on him.” The tinny crackling of flames followed by explosions can be heard in the background. The howls of the gleeful participants can be heard, too.

“The victim suffered severe burns to his back,” the reporter added, “and the police chief has vowed to get to the bottom of this incident.”

Sickening. But still, it gets worse.

“This surely seems to point to a very serious problem in the city,” the newsroom anchor offered.

“It sure does, Kate,” the reporter replied. “New York has long been struggling with fireworks, and this is just one more example of just how dangerous they can be.”

I nearly drove into the ditch.

First of all, did I just hear the brainiacs at CNN say that fireworks were the sinister element in this incident? I mean, did I miss a crucial portion of the reporting while I was reaching for my turn signal and checking my blind spot?

Secondly, as kids, my friends and I set off fireworks all the time. We strapped bottle rockets to the backs of Barbie dolls. We put M-60s into trashcans, sending their lids into the stratosphere. We even tied packs of firecrackers to remote control cars and took turns steering them up and down the driveway, laughing the whole time. Never once in all our years did we ever even think of doing what these criminals in the video did. Not once.

The fireworks are not the problem, CNN. The people are.

On the other hand, I suppose one very important question in all of this might be: Why do we still consider any of these network news hacks to be competent sources for real journalism? They watched the video, analyzed it, and then came to the conclusion that the problem with the situation was not the lawless thugs assaulting one of the most vulnerable among us, but rather an inanimate object that requires human thought and manipulation to function. Coming to this sort of a conclusion, how can these news-knobs be trusted to observe and report on things of national and international import, things like politics and foreign affairs? Considering the current state of things, are we really going to trust them to tell us what we need to know in the midst of a pandemic, or to help steer us through racial inequality toward better days? I mean, I barely trust them to know what day it is. And I suppose in the end, the only thing I can ever trust them to do is to eventually blame this whole fireworks thing on President Trump. They always figure out how to bring it back around to him.

They’re a joke.

Besides all of this, the whole situation has me thinking we’ve passed a point of no return, one now requiring for us to instill some fear into the hearts of would-be deviants. I’m starting to think what we really need is for law enforcement officials to hire a few alien sewer clowns with red balloons. Or perhaps we could benefit from discovering and enlisting a few fear-instilling Marvel characters.

Take a look around. The criminals are by no means afraid. They’ve grown so bold that they’re seizing entire sections of cities. They’re grossly defacing public property without consequence. They’re perpetrating ungodly crimes against innocent citizens without fear of police interference, even being devilishly cruel to a sleeping homeless man.

We need these bandits to have some semblance of fear. But it may be as we’re discovering ourselves adrift in a never before seen era of lawlessness, the only way to do this is by way of an equal and opposite response from beyond our system of justice—a response that excludes the protection of police, lawyers, and judges, thereby delivering the same measure of helplessness the law-abiding citizens experience in the moment of atrocity.

Unfortunately, this may be where we’re headed.

Of course there is “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.”

But Saint Paul wrote those words knowing full well that God chooses his own measures for accomplishing such things. At a minimum, Christ hinted to this when He foretold the fall of Jerusalem in Matthew 24, an event that would eventually occur by the hand of Emperor Titus in A.D. 70. Who’s to say the Emperor Titus of our day couldn’t be a sewer clown?

Just saying.

I guess like so many others, I’m exhausted by watching the villains take more of the field. So with that, let’s just get to the whisky. It sounds like we need it right now.

As a matter of fact, when it comes to enduring the ungodliness of this world, I’m not ashamed to say a top tier dram serves as a fine accompaniment to the hope I have in Christ for better days beyond this mortal coil. In particular, the Talisker 18 is a divinely acceptable accessory.

The nose of this dram isn’t as brutish as you might expect. Instead, it’s really rather gentle, sending along wafts of salty pineapple, burnt sugar, and barrel spice.

The palate steps it up a notch, tapping at the tongue with rich red berries smothered in buttery tar. There’s a smoky halo encircling the whole experience.

The finish is pleasantly long, being incredibly generous as it maintains the red berries and smoke. The burnt sugar comes along nearest to its end.

Yes, this is definitely a dram worth having in hand while listening to the news or reading the day’s headlines. Unless you’re driving, of course, as I was today when I first heard the story about the attack on the homeless man. In that case, do what you can to steer clear of the ditch and save the calming dram for home.

And for the love of all that’s holy, whatever you do, don’t drive with fireworks in the car. Consider yourself warned by the experts at CNN.