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If you have to end your super-serious, tragically misspelled, cookie cutter Facebook post with the words, “I’ll bet only my true friends will repost this,” then you are a person of great emptiness. Only the neediest among us would post something on social media and try to guilt people into sharing it.

And yet, meme’s such as this continue to plague the internet. One doesn’t have to scroll for too long before discovering the loneliest among us. In fact, here’s one I just read about the American flag.

This flag was bought and paid for with American lives. Let’s make this go viral! Only 2% of you will show you have a heart by reposting. The other 98% will continue to take freedom for granted.

Seriously? By not reposting I’m taking my American freedoms for granted?

Yes, the freedoms we enjoy in America weren’t cheap. They cost lives. But the complete measure of my national devotion is by no means reflected in whether or not I share your carelessly constructed image of a bald eagle and a flag. Instead, I’d like to think that the 98% aren’t withholding their sharing because of their frivolous patriotism, but because they know you’re a dope and they don’t want to feed the tiger that is your emotional barrenness.

Here’s another one.

Aaron is 8 and has cancer. All he wants before he dies is 1,000,000 shares. Let’s help him get there! I’ll bet I already know which of my friends will actually share this to help Aaron.

While you’re betting on which of your friends will share this, a few of us are betting you didn’t realize your list of friends just got a lot shorter.

Again, these are easy to find. Here’s one more.

Repost if you ♥ Jesus. If not, just keep scrolling to show your true colors.

The problem I had with this one was that it had been recycled and reposted so many times that the heart in the image was blurry and looked more like a smudge. With that, I kept scrolling… because I’m not Jesus. Although, once I did figure out what the meme was communicating, I took the liberty of signing the particular friend up to receive email updates from some of the better known pharmaceutical companies dealing in antidepressants.

Repost this if you love Jesus’ gift of antidepressants. If not, just keep scrolling… all alone… in your pajamas… in the dark… with your only friend, a pizza.

As you can see, I have neither tolerance nor empathy for such childish things. Leave it to the Kindergarten teachers to sit through this gobbledygook. The rest of us sitting at the adult table will exercise and enjoy our freedoms by raising a glass to our nation, praying for the suffering ones, and thanking the good Lord for His gifts—one of which is the J.P. Wiser’s Rare Cask Series Seasoned Oak 19-year-old. It’s the perfect sipper for soothing an irritated soul under assault from virtual guilters making racket over at the kids’ table.

This particular edition—a kindly gift from my Canadian friend, George—has the sweetly scent of raisins, vanilla cream, and cinnamon. The tiniest drop of water enhances the raisins and cream.

The palate takes concentration. At first it suggests the cool of something peppermint. But if you’re paying close attention, it turns back to the sweeter tendencies it shared by way of the nose, adding to the gathering an unmistakable orange zest and oak.

The finish is incredibly charming. Having reached a splendid peak in the palate, it takes to a medium soar on the well-balanced wings of caramel and wood spice.

This is a good one. If you happen to find it, buy it. And if you have a heart, share it. Although, I’ll bet only one percent of you actually will—and we all know who you are.