Hey, look, a new Twitter follower. I love new friends. Let’s check this one out.

Seems interesting enough. Looks like he has a few thousand followers, but he’s just sort of retweeting a lot of what other folks are tweeting. Although, he does have a few original posts here and there. That’s cool. Yeah, I’ll follow him back. It seems like he could be an interesting source for whisky news and conversation.

Let’s see what’s going on in the Twitter whisky world…

(Click.)

Dum-dee-dum… hmm. Mark over at the Whisky Whistle has another great video review. And so do the Scotch Test Dummies. I need to remember to take some time tonight and watch. Always good stuff.

What I really should be doing is scrolling through my followers to jettison the spam accounts. There’re always a few that manage to sneak in. Might as well do it now while I have some time.

Hey, there’s the new guy I just followed. Right at the top of the list. Cool.

Okay, let’s see… Hmm… Good. Good. Good. Oh yeah, gotta get rid of this guy. With a handle like @12nxq09_ovbeXXX, there’s no way you’re legit. Click, and bye. You too, @place98_updistinctX20754. What the heck kind of Twitter handle is that? Sheesh. Click, and buh-bye.

Yep. Yep. Good. Good.

(Ding.)

Looks like @scotch_trooper just posted something. Let’s go check it out.

(Click.)

Nice. That Stormtrooper bottle is pretty nifty. Need to find one for myself. That’s something Darth would appreciate the next time we get together. I wonder if they sell a version of the Sith Lord’s helmet. I’ll look later. Okay, back to the cleanup.

(Click.)

Hey.

What the…?

The new guy is gone.

Wait… You’re kidding, right? Did he…? I’d better make sure.

(Click. Click. Click.)

He did! Man, I hate that.

You just followed me. I followed you back. Now you just unfollowed me? That’s a real cockroach thing to do. That’s right, you’re a Twitter follower-hoarding cockroach. Your goal isn’t to strengthen the whisky fabric, but rather to ascend toward popularity by stacking and staging your numbers.

Listen, pal. Numbers don’t necessarily prove anything. They’re nice, and they can certainly make someone appear prominent, but there needs to be a substance, an integrity, behind those numbers. When you do things like this, you sir, are a cockroach. You’re a Twitter scavenger—a bottom-dwelling, bait-and-switch scumbag set upon taking and giving nothing in return.

Say goodbye to @angels_portion.

(Click and click.)

I probably shouldn’t get so worked up over things like this, but hey, it’s all the reason I need to calm myself with a whisky sample recommended and sent by a Twitter pal who isn’t a cockroach.

This sample of the Exceptional Blended Malt that’s been sitting here a while, let’s give it a go.

Mmm. Smells nice. Malt. Go figure. There’s something fruity in there, too, though. (Sniff.) I’m guessing burgundy sweet-tart cherries. They’re sour cherries that want so desperately to be sweet. (Sniff.) There’s something else in this fine little dram. I smell Cheerios in warmed milk.

(Sip.)

Wonderful. I was right about the cherries, although they seem to be wrestling with a more neutral fruit—something like, I don’t know, maybe unsweetened applesauce. Could be. (Sip.) There’s the cereal, again. It’s not Cheerios, though. It’s a little sweeter than that, and it has some nuttiness. It’s Raisin Bran Crunch.

The finish is nice. Not too long. There’s the malt, again. The warmed milk in the nosing has become a little more like creamy vanilla.

Just what I needed to lower the blood pressure. Gentle and calming—integrous, well-crafted, and honest.

Unlike the Twitter insect I just flushed.