The first person to figure this out and then contact me with the answers will win a free copy of the book! Of course, it might help if you already own the volume. Have fun!

Across
2. Just say “no” to the 80s.
5. This smiley face would stop an aggressor.
7. What happened to the Tackleton house?
9. All they do is swim and eat and make baby sharks.
11. He’s a creepy old man.
13. It doesn’t even hurt when you get it in your eye.
14. Sweat, urine, cheap cigars, and maybe some puke.
18. A powerfully gentle lion.
20. A deadbeat who’s always willing to let others buy his whisky.
21. The bad guys are always so predictable.
23. Two words: Radioactive teabag.
25. He appears to be somewhat envious of others.
26. Save the whisky, lads!
27. Yes, you can marry my daughter.
29. This is well worth an arm and a leg…well, at least an arm.
31. That’s stupid. Everyone knows an acorn won’t stop lightning. But it will protect you from evil spirits.
Down
1. Nine hours of people watching in…
3. Going to war without the French is like going hunting without your accordion.
4. Go to church, you heathen.
6. Wax on, wax off.
8. I mean, who doesn’t appreciate water buffalo?
10. You know, that schnauzer was really tasty.
12. Illinois is a state full of mad vernacular surgeons.
15. Pixies and allergens.
16. Elective surgery is lookin’ pretty good.
17. If you can’t get my name right, it’s going in the trash.
19. I have no idea what’s going on or what they are saying so just pour me a whisky.
22. Wook at the wanedeer!
24. What would you prescribe, Doc”
27. I think William Grant & Sons may be interested in acquiring your stills.
28. A good companion when it’s -35 F outside.
30. Black leather requires the right antiperspirant.