This is my first attempt at Haiku. I offer the first one as two variations and I ask for critical commentary on both.
+++++
grayed sky is relieved
droplets bead upon the sill
spring offers her song
– or –
grayed sky is relieved
droplets patter on the sill
spring pours forth her song
I really like the second one with patter and pouring being action words consistent with relieved.
very nice. the ending is still singing.
So very kind. Thanks, Don!
I don’t know what haiku is but I like the second line of the first one and the third line of the second one 🙂
I think you are onto something here.
I liked the second one.
Yeah, me too. Thanks, Sandy!
I’m still pondering, but I think I agree.
Both are quite good. They seem like they would be simple to write but I’ve found out myself they aren’t – In fact, getting the syllables correct for each line drives me a little nuts. So glad you are accomplished at it 🙂
I am by no means accomplished. This was my first try. And pretty soon, I’ll try again…but only after I decide how this one will finally be constructed.